Why Are Band Kids Considered Nerds?

Let's deal with that consistent stereotype: in the high school setting, there are the cool kids, and there are the losers.  Among the losers are the skaters (sk8trs), the rednecks, the dorks, and the nerds, plus whatever other distinctions might be available at the time.

Band kids are invariably characterized as nerds.  Is it because they play adult-oriented music when the band performs, is it the uniforms, or is it simply that they don't project an aggressive front, unlike some of the others.

Consider:  You're a guy.  Let's say three guys are pissed off at you, a jock, a redneck, and a band member.  Which one are you least likely to be afraid of?

As for girls in the band, maybe we should wear extremely short skirts, like the cheerleaders; and emphasize our ta-tas and fannies!

Calliphygous

This word means having shapely buttocks.  A polite way of saying "nice ass."

Found on the Internet, Number 4

What J. D. Salinger should have written about.

Found on the Internet, Number 3

Rescind Arkansas Statehood!

At this point there are 50 states; but giving statehood to some was definitely more of a good idea than for others.   What were they thinking when they granted statehood to West Virginia, or California?  And what shenanigans were going on back in 1836 when they made Arkansas a state? 

And, not to make too fine a point, is Vermont really necessary?   I know they're a break ice cream made there, but ho-hum for the rest.

But look at Arkansas.  It's where sprang up Bill Clinton and Mike Huckabee.  There's no art, no culture, or cuisine, other than roadkill offerings.  And look at possible advantages: Tennesseeans and Oklahomans could just cross the frontier and be in a place not regulated by U.S. law.

Hey, they could even legalize pot there!  And speak a strange language. 

They could make pole dancing the Arkansas National Dance.  And require classes in hog-calling in schools.

Household Banners

Several homeowners in my community affix banners in front of their houses, some with seasonal or holiday themes, some to proclaim their allegiance to some college or professional sports team.  Now this is an area that novelty could easily move into.  How about a Wicca banner?  Or a banner proclaiming that the resident is into D & S?  A W.T.F. banner might generate speculation; however, it is the most fitting for these times. 

Or how about a banner proclaiming "Pure for 7 days now"?  It's good to keep the neighbors informed; it makes their curtain-peeking easier. 

I have noticed some of my Facebook friends who literally tell all about such things on their pages, including general, possibly exaggerated, estimations of their lovers' manly attributes.

Whoa!  Too much information?  Maybe for 1999, but not for 2010.

I Don't Understand Job

By Rikki "Garfunkle" and Kate "Oates":


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=stEXPIh9Qi0

Most of us learn how to do hand jobs one through trial and error, and having needful boy friends.

Found on the Internet, Number 2

I thought Notre Dame students know up from down.

Buzz!

Given that the economy is truly in the doldrums, no matter how the media or Congress or the government wants to put spin on it, there have been a variety of stimuls packages, big or small, to jump start things.  Remember Cash for Clunkers?  How about giving the banks mucho wampum? 

So eventually, the Powers That Be are down to a few cards unplayed.  They are hesitant, because of public outcry in a mid-term election year, to engage in heavy junketing or massive pork expenditures.  No, it's time to emphasize the little guys, especially with the Teabaggers . . . .

Or maybe the little gals.

One enterprising House member proposed a new type of literal stimulus plan:  issue vouchers for all women that would allow them to purchase vibrators or other sex toys at 80% off, the difference being borne by the government.  Now that was just in the nick of time, as football season is in its third week and sexual activities are showing their annual lessening.  Congresspersons thought, "What the Hell, and it passed 425-1.  No one dared to vote against it.

Other than Ron Paul.

Is Getting a Brazilian Waxing a Sin?

One topic that was never covered in my education regarding right from wrong was whether getting a Brazilian wax was a sin.  After all, there you are, your bottom exposed to another person who smears hot wax on it, allows it to dry on some tape, and pulls it off suddenly! 

Ouch!  It hurts too much to be fun.  But this is the cost of wearing a bikini and not showing tell-tail hairs.   So, I got one.    

Shortly afterwards, I got religious fervor, and started going to church more regularly, even though my bottom was still bare.  (Hopefully, that is not sacreligious.)  Since it was a while since my last confession, I decided to do an in-church confession, seeig the priest in the confessional.

So I went:

"Bless me, Father, for I have sinned.  It was a year since my last confession.  My sins are gossiping, cursing often, and oh yes, I got a Brazilian waxing."

A long masculine sigh . . . .

"I don't think that's a sin, my child.  The Church does not proscribe any form of floor wax, to my knowledge."

Sometimes it pays to get an old priest.

Respect for the Elders

We need to show more respect for the elderly than we do.  Consider two occasionally-encountered slang terms: old fart and battle-axe.

Isn't it truly deflating to refer to an grouchy old man as an "old fart"?  He's not a full-fledged shit.  No, he is trivialized into a bad odor. 

And as for antagonistic, overbearing older women: they are trivialized as battle-axes.  When she was in her thirties or forties she might have been styles as assertive, or (pejoratively) as a ballbreaker.  But now she is styled as an outdated weapon suitable only for wall display.

Let's be more polite.  Grouchy old men are a fact of life: let them be politely referred to as superannated flatuses!  And older women who are antagonistic and overbearing, let's just simply say that they are chronically outspoken, women of more than sufficient words.

Air Kissing

I encountered a quaint practice of the East Coast: people, upon greeting each other, mutually hug and blow air kisses.  In neither case is there any lip-to-skin contact; just the two people embracing making sounds like they are kissing each other.

This remarkable custom could be deconstructed as insincere affection; or is can simply be an expedient stemming ffrom fears of spreading disease.  After all, these people typically lived in the great metropolises, and the fears of disease are normally more prevalent.  Remember last year, when some people would actually bump elbows as a gesture of greeting?

But let's look at this air kissing more closely.  Just how many times must people meet before they air kiss?  Are you considered easy if you air kiss on the first meeting?  And what about air kissing cousins?  Is this considered incentuous if they are first cousins?  Clearly, we are in acute need of guidance.

Found on the Internet, Number 1

I found this on the internet.  I thought it was cute.  Unfortunately, I didn't do it.

Yesterday's Post

Okay, yesterday's post was self-indulgent and a bit of a downer.  However, I thought it was amusing, as well as confess to some vulnerabilities.  The fact is, I'm not beautiful, and I have small boobs.  I believe in accentuating the positive, however.  As Carole Mallory observed,  "Everywhere I went, my cleavage followed. But I learned I am not my cleavage."



I promise to be, in general, bright and cheerful.  I'm not an expert writer who can develop a long story, so I write short attempts at humor.  Anyway, in my opinion, the least offensive humor that makes fun of people is the type that exposes on'e own foibles.  I think Abraham Maslow or some other smart guy said that.

What's in a Name?

My blog is entitled "The View from the Rear," and I use the screen name Bakkushan in my response to a (possibly ill-natured) prank.  I was told that bakkushan meant "beautiful" in Japanese; as  matter of fact, it is a term referring to a girl or woman who looks better from the rear view than the frontal view.

Okay, I will cheerfully admit: I don't have epic boobs.  But I do have a cute tush.  I'm happy with what I have.  I don't think I'm homely, either; but mainly callyphigous. 

I recently bought a bikini with two bottoms: the normal tush sort-of-covering one, and a thong.  (In a way, having to buy the parts as separates is a good thing.)  If I every go to a beach where thongs are allowed, and I swallow my inhibitions, I'm ready!

Special Purpose Clothing for Potential Saints

In visiting churches that feature statues of saints, I am struck by what seems to be their unerring sense of fashion for the occasion.  I mean, it's like they had a premonition, "I'm a virgin, and I'm going to be martyred for my faith; I better put on the white dress."  Or "I'm going to do something saintly; I'd better trim my beard and put on my very best red robe."  Or "I'm going to be a Doctor of the Church; maybe I'd better dress more for the part and not wear my golfing clothes today."

Yes, I don't think any saint had been carried off for execution in the Colosseum by Roman soldiers while wearing a bathrobe and wearing her hair in curlers.

Maybe saints are always appropriately-dressed.  And that's one reason why they are saints!

A New Type of Purity Ring

This purity ideal is so hard, especially when we are supposed to proclaim our status on our ring fingers.  Can we negotiate it a bit?  How about Technical Purity rings?  Or Retrograde Purity rings?  Or even Participation Purity Rings?

After all, didn't we get participation trophies in youth sports?

Possible Music for Ads in the Future

Since a judge recently struck down the "don't ask, don't tell" policy, may we see the Village People's songs "Y-M-C-A" and "In the Navy" in television ads?

Will Rage Against the Machine and the Insane Clown Posse be part of elevator music in the future?  We have reasons to fear for Western Civilization.

However, Mohandas K. Ghandi had this to say about Western Civilization:

"It would be a good idea."

Can Money Buy Happiness?

Apparently, increments of up to $75,000 per year can increase life's happiness by reducing life's stresses, according to Daniel Kahneman and Angus Deaton of the Center for Health and Well-being at Princeton University. 

Most people were happy; but the very wealthy apparently are not significantly more so than the comfortable.

This would suggest that, in order to live the good life, we should monthly assess our income per year, and take an extended vacation at that time.

In Which I Try Being an Attention Whore

Having seen that internet meme of the backless bikinied cutie standing on her head with the caption "Look at me . . . . " often enough and the ad nauseam coverage of Qu'ran-burning preacher Terry Jones, I decided to do some outrageous act of crass attention-seeking.

Therefore, next Sunday I will deliberately burn a copy of Eat Pray Love on the courthouse steps.