Happy Hallowe'en

Hallowe'en or Fall Festivals or Harvest Festivals

Every year in some parts of the country schools and churches have some kind of party, often with costumes being worn by participants.  In some communities, especially those with fundamentalist undercurrents, there is lively debate about whether it is Christian to celebrate Hallowe'en, or it's some kind of pagan festival.  And some schools and churches kowtow to these complaining, indicating a confluence of bluenosedness and/or cojone deficiencies. 

What's wrong with an old-fashioned Hallowe'en?

Okay, I can see where it might not be prudent to go to a fundamentalist-named Fall Festival while being dressed as a hot witch; but would it hurt to go as a hot nurse or a hot French maid?

Save the Whale Tails

This is a cause for all good environmentalists!

Even modest environmentals can get into the act.

Found on the Internet, Number 13

The Problem With the Food Network

Other than the bizarre cakes made by tattooed persons, the food prepared on the Food Network is really attractive, and looks tasty.  Therein lies a problem: if I watch too much of that channel, might I be prompted to make those apparently taste foods and develop a weight problem.  This can pose a problem during bare midriff season: I don't want to show a muffin top!

The purveyors of the Food Network could help things, by having an occasional show in which the food prepared looks unappetizing.  How about this concept:  Great American School Cafeterias?

Found on the Internet, Number 12

New Political Party?

Dissatisfaction with the Democratic and Republican parties occasionally lead voters into going the third party route.  While none has successfully elected a President and few even congresspersons, there's still the temptation to join. 


Here's a new one:

Why Are There Hybrid Creatures in Anime?

Anime has a strange phenomenon:  it features a larger-than-average number of exotic creatures that are actually hybrids between humans and some other species.  However, these creatures are essentially underclad girls or women, but with ears of some other species.



Cincinnati Chili

Use the following ingredients:

4 large cloves garlic, pressed
2 large onions, chopped
1 qt. water
2 pounds ground beef
1 (16 oz) can tomatoes
1 1/2 teaspoons white vinegar
1 teaspoon Worcestershire sauce
2 tablespoons ground cumin
1 large bay leaf
1 1/2 teaspoons ground allspice
1 1/2 teaspoons salt
1 teaspoon cayenne pepper
1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
2 Hershey or other chocolate bars
Cooked spaghetti - enough for 6 servings.

In a large skillet, sauté the garlic and onions in vegetable oil or butter.  Add a cup of water until it is simmering.   Sauté the beef or you could boil it, if you're lazy.  Put in the tomatoes, vinegar, Worcestershire, the chocolate bars, and all of the spices.  Let simmer for 3 hours or so.

Serve the meat sauce on spaghetti, topped with cheese.  Follow that with onions to go four-way, add beans also to go with five-way, and top it all off with sour cream to go six-way.

Bon appetit!

Found on the Internet, Number 11

This, strangely, was to promote women's rights in Ukraine.  Does FEMEN ask that women be given the right to being spanked when they desire?  Maybe so, if it gives them an excuse to show their pink panties. 

When I wear pink panties, I wish people could know.  It feels special.

Is Music and Fashion Time-Dependent?

I've noticed that music from the 1970's and 1980's, quite frankly sucks.  And the same is it with clothing.  For God's sake, bury leisure suits, disco music, and hair bands.  Is this a new discovery?  Apparently not.  James Laver, a British art and fashion historian, noted and generalized on some common ways in which fashion is perceived: 

James Laver offered some Laws of Fashion:

The same costume will be:
- Indecent: 10 years before its time
- Shameless: 5 years before its time
- Outré (daring): 1 year before its time
- Smart- Dowdy: 1 year after its time
- Hideous: 10 years after its time
- Ridiculous: 20 years after its time
- Amusing: 30 years after its time
- Quaint: 50 years after its time
- Charming: 70 years after its time
- Romantic: 100 years after its time
- Beautiful: 150 years after its time

Well, Mozart's music is beautiful, Chopin's is romantic, and I will stretch and call the Charleston music charming.  But what is one to make of music that is 30, 40, or 50 years old?  I do not find disco to be amusing.  Especially "I Will Survive."

Found on the Internet, Number 10

Cute cheeks, though!

Dancing With the Shits

Given the example of Dancing With the Stars, perhaps we could have another program with a similar format.  However, this one will consist of popularly disliked or unpleasant people who would be selected as contestants by polls.  [One dollar per vote.]

Sixteen contestants known for being annoying or unpleasant would be selected; and these would be paired with and trained by professional dancers.  This is television audience dynamite!

Just think of possible candidates for this competition!  This is sure to be a hit!

State-Induced Xenophobia

In my opinion, state-induced xenophobia is as American as apple pie or Reese's cups.  Wherever people live, they often have some degree of antipathy toward residents of nearby states.  How many people what mentioned West Virginia in terms of the peple there being inbred?  And what about the nuts of California?  Everyone expects New Yorkers and Texans to be arrogant pricks, and Bostonians are so proper in one part or Irish hoods in another.

And the term "corn-fed" is not complimentary when applied to midwestern farmers' daughters.

Americans are different: we're of both sexes, verious sexual preferences, races, ethnic stocks, temperaments, opinions, and so forth.  But the accidents of residency make up very little of what we are. 

I wonder if some people are just creative in their cussedness.

Pascal's Triangle

When I studied mathematics, Pascal's triangle was called a triangular array of binomial coefficients in a triangle.

However, I habitually buy The Sun when I'm at the super market, and I know better.  Was Blaise involved in a threesome?  If so, who were the other two?  

Rumor has it that their names were Francine and Clarissa.

Baja Oklahoma

Found on the Internet, Number 9

I asked you to get tickets to see 'Endgame,' not be in it!

The Second Best Little Whorehouse in Texas

Feeling Up Diversity

Have you ever noticed that college administrators tend to favor buzzwords?  If they can work 'paradigm' or 'multi-faceted' or 'globalization' into their discourse, they get a warm and cozy feeling.

One such buzz expression is 'embrace diversity.'  Now, with fears of sexually harassing someone, that's the only way in which any embracing is done by those guys.  But suppose some of them go beyond embracing diversity.  Can we describe them as 'feeling up diversity' or 'dry-humping diversity'?

A New Twist in Sharia Law

In October 2009, Somalia’s hard-line Islamist group Al-Shabaab was opposed to bras as "un-Islamic."  They forced women in public to shake their breasts at gunpoint to see if they wore bras.  Those found to be wearing a bra were publicly whipped because bras are seen as "deceptive" and to violate their interpretation of Sharia law. 


I guess they would not be too keen on breast implants, either.

Is it okay to put Band-Aids strategically?

Found on the Internet, Number 8

Sometimes baseball fans get fanatic.

Schrodinger's Rule

People Living in Strangely-Named Places

Every state has its share of strangely-named towns.  What do the residents living there think about their towns' names?  Are in the people in Truth or Consequences, NM okay with the name?  What are those threatened consequences, anyway?    What about Intercourse, PA?  How often do they do it?  What happens if they only go as far as second or third base?

I've always worried about Cut and Shoot, Texas.  Is it especially violent?

And did the Maggie of Maggie's Nipples, WY have breasts that were especially pokey?

Just thinking.

Found on the Internet: Number 7

No!  It's spank the monkey and jump the shark!

French Lick, Indiana

No, this is not a bonus from taking a trip to Paris.  Ooo-lala!

French Lick is an actual town in southern Indiana.  It has a resort and Pluto water, a laxative, used to be bottled there.  The most famous French Licker was Larry Bird, "the Hick from French Lick."

Oregon

The Recent Katy Perry Controversy

I'll tell you what:  Katy Perry is good at generating publicity.  First she does that little ditty, "I Kissed a Girl, and I Liked It," then she does a photoshoot in which she looks like a love doll, and now the Sesame Street story:

Apparently, she showed far too much cleavage for some peoples' tastes! 

Now last I was aware, this is a more-or-less prominant feature on women; so why is there this surprise?  True, there was a little cautious décollété, but not vulgar. 

Russell Brand helped continue this further:  "Sesame Street will not be brought to you by the number 34 or the letter D."

Oh ho!  Was he revealing Katy's bra size?  Okay, why should this be something to tsk-tsk about?  Indeed, why not wear one's bra size on one's t-shirt, if one desires?

Some of us might even tell the truth.

Found on the Internet: Number 6

Appealing to the Impolite Electorate

Why Do Straight Guys Watch 'Dancing With the Stars'?

I will admit to being puzzled by this phenomenon.  Are we ladies on the threshold of a golden era, where guys suddenly care about learning to dance and do so proficiently?  Naively hopeful, I enquired about this growing trend.

The answer, in a nutshell, is that they hope for wardrobe failure.

Specifically, the women who dance on this program tend to wear skimpy, form-displaying costumes that flaunt their curves.  The guys watch on the likelihood that the stickum that holds the coverage of the breasts will detach, giving a free view!

In general, guys are unaware of this default safety feature, being familiar only with the fastenings of everyday clothing for girls.

One Consequences of Losing in Football

I read somewhere that male testosterone levels varied considerably; besides obvious culprits such as age, general health, and heredity, there could be occupational differences and life outcome differences.  One surpring example of the latter is that guys' testosterone levels rise significantly when their teams win, and go down when their teams lose.

This in turn is translated into a little bit or a lot of loving!

Anyway, can we expect that the birth rates in Alabama and New Orleans will go up dramatically in a few months due to the National Championship of the Crimson Tide and the winning of the Super Bowl by the New Orleans Saints?

Found on the Internet: Number 5

A Party God will always have devotees.