New Year's Resolutions

I will get more exercise, lose weight (at least 10 pounds), and try to write more serious stuff.  And get my screwed-up life in order.

And revisit these resolutions each month, noting progress and regressions.

Ironic Promise Ring

The practice of wearing a "promise" ring or a "purity" ring seems to be coming on in the Deep South, of all places.

This is the ordinary "promise" ring: worn by an unmarried teen girl to signify that she will abstain from sex until married. In this case, the ironic promise ring is worn by a girl either as a cover-up for sexual activities, or in the pure ironic sense. In either case, she's doing it!

Sharon and Bill were having sex like bunnies; but she masked that fact by wearing her ironic promise ring.

Cute Cosplay Costume 7

The wearer of this one looks so winsome and vulnerable.  It would win over the hearts of most everyone.

Real Life Has That Side, Too

Cute Cosplay Costume 6

Going as Chii is always adorable!

Hugh Hefner Gets Engaged!

Best wishes, Mr. Hefner!

Merry Christmas!

Angel with a Shell

Too Much Information

I wish I had the nerve to wear this!

The Infamous Grad School Fifteen

The Freshman Fifteen is enshrined in college lore: the empirical fact that college students tend to show a significant weight gain during the fesshman year.  Some of this is due to poor food choices; some is due to cafeteria or all-you-can-eat settings.

Less is known about the Infamous Grad School Fifteen.  There is a corresponding similar weight gain that comes with reaching legal age for buying beer.

Oh dear!  I need to work last Friday's six-pack off.

Found on the Internet: Number 20

Cute Cosplay Costume 5

This one is adorable!

Cute Cosplay Costume 4

This one is daring!  I don't have the nerve to wear a slingshot bikini,

even with lingerie tape.

Marguerite Steinheil

Marguerite Steinheil was a scandalous, if not widely known, footnote in history.  She had more than one scandal linked to her.

He most famous of which involved French President Félix Faure.  It seems that Faure died suddenly from apoplexy on 16 February 1899, at a critical juncture while engaged in sexual activities in his office with 30-year-old Marguerite Steinheil.   It has been widely reported that those activities were oral sex, but their exact nature was in fact unknown and such reports may have stemmed from various puns made up afterward by his political opponents.

A French newspaper, fearing reprisals, published a sanitized versioin of Faure's death, but entitled it 'The Official Version.'

Marguerite must have given one hell of a blow job, in my opinion.

Sex as a Political Strategy

I found this curious poster from the 1960's.  Apparently, there was a draft at that time, and a lot of opposition to it.  According to one source who was living at that time, girls who were involved in draft resistance would bestow their favors on guys who decline to register for the draft.

This seems to be a strange promise!  It puts them in a morally questionable category.

The Chet Syndrome

Many of us experience the phenomenon of having a sadistic douchebag older brother or sister, like Wyatt's brother in the popular television program "Weird Science."

 

My brother was so like that.  Parents should space the period between maing babies longer so as to minimize the impact of older siblings.

Cute Cosplay Costume 3

VERY daring!

Is Nostalgia Essentially a Conservative Impulse?

The admiration of the retro look, the active seeking of old movies or television programs and referring to some long-ago "golden age," isn't this a reflection of reaction?  The Tea Partyites must be really into old movies and the retro look.

An Economic Reason for Going Topfree

Going topless, or topfree, is something that women should consider.

First, obviously, most guys like it.  And that's a plus.

But there's a compelling economic reason to consider too.

You can buy bikini tops and bottoms separately; and it costs less if you have to buy only the bottoms.  French women have known that fact for years.  This means a significant personal savings, because often the separate tops are more expensive.

And remember this: most clothing purchased in the USA was fabricated in foreign countries.  Therefore, any small decrement in clothing costs should translate into a more favorable balance of trade for our country.  Especially when we consider where those bikini tops of made.

I hope President Obama considers this reasoning, and uses his Chief Executive function to encourage women going topfree!

Axe Press Conference

Ensure proper maintenance of your sporting equipment.

http://www.youtube.com/v/UzoARPa3XGs?fs=1&hl=en_US"

Coping With the Winter

The days are gowing into the shorter ones, and my mood is lowering.  The reason is largely biological, and it calls for some preventive measures. 

I have resolved to step p my exercise, and to take a walk in the sun when it permits (not often).  Otherwise, gain some exposure to artificial sunlight and keep amused.

Partake little of alcohol; it does contribute to being despondent.  And, now and then, have a sex partner.  I need a stable relationship.   We all do.

Turdocracy

This is a government that is intentionally abusive towards the persons autocratically governed; literally, a government that acts like a turd.

                                                    --submitted to the Urban Dictionary
                                                    by Elvis Wearing a Bra on His Head

This is an interesting concept that may not be that off the mark.  Sometimes governments can be abusive just for abuse's sake.

Cute Cosplay Costume 2

Yoko.  Absolutely cute.

My Honor Student . . . .

An offshoot of those "My Child is an Honor Student at ___________ School" is that those of us who weren't may be set up for grief from parents.  I remember my mom saying how embarassed she was that she didn't have that bumper sticker on her car.  Accordingly, I swiped one from the school office cabinet and affixed it to mom's car.

Problem solved?

No.  She took it wrong. 

Adults are hard to understand.

Happy St. Lucia's Day!

The Underwear Report

American citizens need more candor in government and social life.  We have too many secrets.  This needs to stop.  In my opinion, we can go a long way towards increasing candor by asking our public officials, both elected and appointed, to reveal what sort of underwear they are wearing.  Briefs or boxers.  Full panties, bikinis, or thongs.  This could be a regular part of the news reports each day.  And let's have a little show-and-tell for verification.

It would teach our officials a little humility.  It would also help the American underwear business, as they would be impelled to but new, attractive underwear.  No politician would wish to reveal that she's wearing knockoff panties from China, or that his briefs are holey!  Obviously, any commandos would in effect be telling the voters that they are untrustworthy. 

Besides, we have a need to know.

What do you think?

Jen In Excelsis

I like Jennifer Aniston.  I mourn the demise of "Friends."  That's all I have to say on this.

We Need to Make a Left Turn Now!

Actually, I wish this country would take a more liberal turn.

Douchebag

Cute Cosplay Costume 1

I like this one.  The bare midriff is a little daring, but it is cute if I could work up enough fearlessness and fewer inhibitions.

Found on the Internet, Number 19

It has something to do with Sweden and Finland.  I know what he's thinking.

The Kardashians

For some reason or other, I am addicted to Keeping Up with the Kardashians.  The characters are strangely sympathetic in their triviality.  I especially like Kim, who seems to be the nicest.  The mother seems to have a K.K. initial mania, naming her daughters Kim, Khloe, and Kourtney.  Only one was spelled in the usual way.

Funny Yoga Pose I

Flow Chart for Choosing Your College Major

Is It Unchristian to Do Yoga?

This is a cause of anxiety among some of the Baptist brethern -- that people in studying yoga are implicitly buying into Eastern religions like Hinduism.  Maybe it's the focus on bodily experience; if that's the case, then getting a good exercise workout produces the same kinds of results.  Or maybe it's the greeting, "Namaste."  Or possibly chanting the mantra "Ommmm . . . . "

Isn't tolerance and curiosity supposed to be Christian virtues too?  Why should peple be scared little bunnies?

Happy Thanksgiving!

The Sin Discovery Efforts of Holy Moley

Holy Moley, our itenerant Fundamentalist minister and universal scold, has been working diligently in making American life more pious than it presently is.  We really should commend him for his efforts.  Here are some new discoveries in sinfulness, you imperfect sinners!

1.  A dating couple should refrain from going bare-footed together.  As a matter of fact, the wearing of open-toed shoes by women is a temptation to unsuspecting guys.  Seeing a bare toe or more can be too much.

2.  Chocolate is too pleasureable.  Therefore, it must be wocked!

3.  Sleeping late indicates a disorganized life.  Getting up after 7:30 A.M. is giving into sloth.

4.  Watching Fox News or ESPN is a near occasion to sin, due to the attractiveness of the reporters.  Watch MSNBC or NBC sports, instead.

5.  Japanese anime is a temptation.

6.  Serving chili without spaghetti is self-indulgent.  The sin of gluttony has been committed.

7.  Christian women should never shower with their husbands.  Showering with the preacher . . . . . it's okay if thou is comely.

Girls Can Fart Too!

It's pure sexism to pretend that we shouldn't.  After all, what the gander can do, the goose should be able too also.  It can definitely break the ice at parties.

And. guess what?  When someone is called an "old fart," it can be a she as well as a he.  As a matter of fact, why not start early, and be a young fart?

Remember Your Guardian Angel

Don't make her disappointed in you!

Magazine Hoarders

I know of several people who can't bear to part with their magazines.  Now I see boxes and boxes of old National Geographics, which apparently a person or her/his family or his/er executioner finally in desperation had to part with.  And, having old Consumer Reports might be valuable to review possible purchases.  We do have to accept that geeks are not known for neatness.  Therefore, beaucoup copies of Wired simply is part of the geek role.  But enormous collections of certain magazines may tell too much about a person.  Don't you find that a guy that has more than one Maxim in his apartment might have lost some luster?  I asked other women; they use terms like "desperate," "pituful," "weird," "pathetic," and other words for that possible situation.

On the other hand, having a closet for my Cosmos is just for convenience in storage!

The F-M-K Game

It's also called "Fuck, Marry, Kill."  This is a schoolgirls' game in which a player is given three figures in pop culture or history.  The player is to choose one that she would fuck, but only once, one that she would marry (but not do it), and one to kill.

Okay, which one would you F-M-K? 

Catherine of Aragon, Anne Boelyn, Catherine Howard?

Thomas Jefferson, John Adams, James Madison?

Katherine Hepburn, Joan Crawford, Ingrid Bergman?

Randolph Scott, John Wayne, Jimmy Stewart?

I deliberately used trios of non-living folks, so none of the three possible choices could be exercised.  But you could do this with political figures or celebrities.  However, the rules require that you could kill only one of the three!

An Example of French Savoir Faire

Carla Bruni is both elegant and sexy, truly an elegant First Lady!

Found on the Internet, Number 18

Schlimmbesserung

'Schlimmbesserung' is a German word that describes an improvement that makes things worse.  Those Germans are deep thinkers; this is intuitively a very useful concept. 

I Want This!

Let's have breast enhancement surgery covered by Obamacare.  What a great idea!  

How Californians See America

Found On the Internet, Number 17

Nao of the Oranges

I'd love to have a swimsuit like this one.

Men Who Wear Bow Ties Are Sexy!

Ahhh . . . . guys with bow ties evoke interest to me.  There's something of the old-fashioned inhibition reflected in their choice of neckwear.  Let's face, ascot-wearers make you think of country club preppy snobbery, ostentatious flaunting of style, and general prissiness.  The turtle neck sweater wearers come across as studied nonconjformists.  Do they have a publication out there called Nonconformists' Fashion Monthly?  Open-necked rugby shirt guys are athletic.  And guys that wear standard neckties, what about them?  Could they be subtlely suggesting the possible length of something else with this choice of neckwear, much like Hummer drivers imply something else about themselves?

Men who wear bow ties are so understated.  They come across as shy, reflective, refined, careful, and interesting.  Can there be a tiger under their facade that needs releasing?  If that is the case, then it becomes a challenge to tame that kitty!

Found on the Internet, Number 16

Veterans Day

Honoring those who served.  Thanks, guys!

The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald -- Whole Version

The legend lives on from the Chippewa on down
Of the big lake they call Gitche Gumee
The lake, it is said, never gives up her dead
When the skies of November turn gloomy.

With a load of iron ore - 26,000 tons more
Than the Edmund Fitzgerald weighed empty
That good ship and true was a bone to be chewed
When the gales of November came early

The ship was the pride of the American side
Coming back from some mill in Wisconsin
As the big freighters go it was bigger than most
With a crew and the Captain well seasoned.

Concluding some terms with a couple of steel firms
When they left fully loaded for Cleveland
And later that night when the ships bell rang
Could it be the North Wind they'd been feeling.

The wind in the wires made a tattletale sound
And a wave broke over the railing
And every man knew, as the Captain did, too,
T'was the witch of November come stealing.

The dawn came late and the breakfast had to wait
When the gales of November came slashing
When afternoon came it was freezing rain
In the face of a hurricane West Wind

When supper time came the old cook came on deck
Saying fellows it's too rough to feed ya
At 7PM a main hatchway caved in
He said fellas it's been good to know ya.

The Captain wired in he had water coming in
And the good ship and crew was in peril
And later that night when his lights went out of sight
Came the wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald.

Does anyone know where the love of God goes
When the waves turn the minutes to hours
The searchers all say they'd have made Whitefish Bay
If they'd put fifteen more miles behind her.

They might have split up or they might have capsized
They may have broke deep and took water
And all that remains is the faces and the names
Of the wives and the sons and the daughters.

Lake Huron rolls, Superior sings
In the ruins of her ice water mansion
Old Michigan steams like a young man's dreams,
The islands and bays are for sportsmen.

And farther below Lake Ontario
Takes in what Lake Erie can send her
And the iron boats go as the mariners all know
With the gales of November remembered.

In a musty old hall in Detroit they prayed
In the Maritime Sailors' Cathedral
The church bell chimed, 'til it rang 29 times
For each man on the Edmund Fitzgerald.

The legend lives on from the Chippewa on down
Of the big lake they call Gitche Gumee
Superior, they say, never gives up her dead
When the gales of November come early.
Gordon Lightfoot

The Bird Poo Act

The Guano Islands Act (48 U.S.C. ch. 8 §§ 1411-1419) was passed by the U.S. Congress on August 18, 1856. It enables American citizens to take possession of islands containing guano deposits: in effect, bird poo. The islands can be located anywhere, so long as they are not occupied and not within the jurisdiction of other governments. It also empowers the U.S. President to use the military to protect such interests, and establishes the criminal jurisdiction of the United States.

Statue-Fondling Recognized in the Print Media

There's an article in the New York Times, of all sources, that addresses this concern.  Here's the link:

http://cityroom.blogs.nytimes.com/2010/10/21/an-attention-getter-irresistibly-interactive/?ref=nyregion

Anyway, the object of interest is a 12-foot statue of Adam by artist Fernando Botero in front of the mall at the Time-Warner Center.  He's obviously nude; and people:

". . . . often touch, grasp, pat or rub the statue’s small but prominent penis, while a friend or relative takes a photo."

It's a relief to know that I'm not the only one that wishes to check out a statue's dick sometimes.  But I suspected that some guys like to play with boobs on statues, as deduced from the shiny breasts on otherwise patinized bronze statues of nude women.

Clearly, this is not something you can do in Peoria, IL.  However, I'll bet that there are lots of us out there that would like to check out someone's real factory-installed equipment, and not just simply think about it.

But how to begin?  You can't just go up to someone on the street and ask.

Logical Consequences

--from Graph Jam (http://graphjam.com)

Rhode Island Keeps Its State Name

There's an irony in the fact that the smallest state happens to have the longest name.

Rhode Island is formally called "The State of Rhode Island and Providence Plantations." The name appears in the colony's 1663 Royal Charter and is on the state seal and many official documents.  This name came from the merger of Roger Williams' "Providence Plantations" settlement with some nearby towns.

On Tuesday, Rhode Island voters voted to keep the full name, rather than to dock it to mere "Rhode Island."

Not bad for a state with a chicken named for it.

Found on the Internet, Number 15

Sleeping With the Political Opposition

People say that opposites attract; and there may be some truth to this.  What better way to test wheher this is the case than to deliberately seek out someone with a differing political philosophy to see whether this holds true.  After all, there are known cases of political commentary persons who are married to people with an opposite point of view.  Maybe they've discovered a way to generate some sizzle through their differences?

Imagine if you're a liberal woman, and you're embraced with a red state guy in some good old-fashioned Republican canoodling in the missionary position?  Or how about you being conservative, and discovering with some New York or San Franciscan liberal guy the joys of unfettered monkey sex, maybe even without clothing?

Well, you can work up to that, eventually.  Even doing so in your mind is liberating.

But think of what this frank exchange of views and other things would have in terms of national healing!  Marvin Gaye would be proud!

Prom Orientation

That old high school rite of passage, the Prom, has been further updated.  Some schools are now featuring orientation sessions in anticipation of this night of collective excess and bliss.  Will attendance be required?  Will having attended this orientation be marked on a student's transcript? 

High school administrators already monitor what sort of prom dress a girl can wear, and the occasional butch lesbian may be forbidden to wear a tux when she takes her lipstick lesbian girlfriend.

This is too much!

Dogs and Cats

Found on the Internet, Number 14

Sometimes there are surprising architectural features in unlikely places.  This one is especially attractive, in my opinion.

Happy Hallowe'en

Hallowe'en or Fall Festivals or Harvest Festivals

Every year in some parts of the country schools and churches have some kind of party, often with costumes being worn by participants.  In some communities, especially those with fundamentalist undercurrents, there is lively debate about whether it is Christian to celebrate Hallowe'en, or it's some kind of pagan festival.  And some schools and churches kowtow to these complaining, indicating a confluence of bluenosedness and/or cojone deficiencies. 

What's wrong with an old-fashioned Hallowe'en?

Okay, I can see where it might not be prudent to go to a fundamentalist-named Fall Festival while being dressed as a hot witch; but would it hurt to go as a hot nurse or a hot French maid?

Save the Whale Tails

This is a cause for all good environmentalists!

Even modest environmentals can get into the act.

Found on the Internet, Number 13

The Problem With the Food Network

Other than the bizarre cakes made by tattooed persons, the food prepared on the Food Network is really attractive, and looks tasty.  Therein lies a problem: if I watch too much of that channel, might I be prompted to make those apparently taste foods and develop a weight problem.  This can pose a problem during bare midriff season: I don't want to show a muffin top!

The purveyors of the Food Network could help things, by having an occasional show in which the food prepared looks unappetizing.  How about this concept:  Great American School Cafeterias?

Found on the Internet, Number 12

New Political Party?

Dissatisfaction with the Democratic and Republican parties occasionally lead voters into going the third party route.  While none has successfully elected a President and few even congresspersons, there's still the temptation to join. 


Here's a new one:

Why Are There Hybrid Creatures in Anime?

Anime has a strange phenomenon:  it features a larger-than-average number of exotic creatures that are actually hybrids between humans and some other species.  However, these creatures are essentially underclad girls or women, but with ears of some other species.



Cincinnati Chili

Use the following ingredients:

4 large cloves garlic, pressed
2 large onions, chopped
1 qt. water
2 pounds ground beef
1 (16 oz) can tomatoes
1 1/2 teaspoons white vinegar
1 teaspoon Worcestershire sauce
2 tablespoons ground cumin
1 large bay leaf
1 1/2 teaspoons ground allspice
1 1/2 teaspoons salt
1 teaspoon cayenne pepper
1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
2 Hershey or other chocolate bars
Cooked spaghetti - enough for 6 servings.

In a large skillet, sauté the garlic and onions in vegetable oil or butter.  Add a cup of water until it is simmering.   Sauté the beef or you could boil it, if you're lazy.  Put in the tomatoes, vinegar, Worcestershire, the chocolate bars, and all of the spices.  Let simmer for 3 hours or so.

Serve the meat sauce on spaghetti, topped with cheese.  Follow that with onions to go four-way, add beans also to go with five-way, and top it all off with sour cream to go six-way.

Bon appetit!

Found on the Internet, Number 11

This, strangely, was to promote women's rights in Ukraine.  Does FEMEN ask that women be given the right to being spanked when they desire?  Maybe so, if it gives them an excuse to show their pink panties. 

When I wear pink panties, I wish people could know.  It feels special.

Is Music and Fashion Time-Dependent?

I've noticed that music from the 1970's and 1980's, quite frankly sucks.  And the same is it with clothing.  For God's sake, bury leisure suits, disco music, and hair bands.  Is this a new discovery?  Apparently not.  James Laver, a British art and fashion historian, noted and generalized on some common ways in which fashion is perceived: 

James Laver offered some Laws of Fashion:

The same costume will be:
- Indecent: 10 years before its time
- Shameless: 5 years before its time
- Outré (daring): 1 year before its time
- Smart- Dowdy: 1 year after its time
- Hideous: 10 years after its time
- Ridiculous: 20 years after its time
- Amusing: 30 years after its time
- Quaint: 50 years after its time
- Charming: 70 years after its time
- Romantic: 100 years after its time
- Beautiful: 150 years after its time

Well, Mozart's music is beautiful, Chopin's is romantic, and I will stretch and call the Charleston music charming.  But what is one to make of music that is 30, 40, or 50 years old?  I do not find disco to be amusing.  Especially "I Will Survive."

Found on the Internet, Number 10

Cute cheeks, though!

Dancing With the Shits

Given the example of Dancing With the Stars, perhaps we could have another program with a similar format.  However, this one will consist of popularly disliked or unpleasant people who would be selected as contestants by polls.  [One dollar per vote.]

Sixteen contestants known for being annoying or unpleasant would be selected; and these would be paired with and trained by professional dancers.  This is television audience dynamite!

Just think of possible candidates for this competition!  This is sure to be a hit!

State-Induced Xenophobia

In my opinion, state-induced xenophobia is as American as apple pie or Reese's cups.  Wherever people live, they often have some degree of antipathy toward residents of nearby states.  How many people what mentioned West Virginia in terms of the peple there being inbred?  And what about the nuts of California?  Everyone expects New Yorkers and Texans to be arrogant pricks, and Bostonians are so proper in one part or Irish hoods in another.

And the term "corn-fed" is not complimentary when applied to midwestern farmers' daughters.

Americans are different: we're of both sexes, verious sexual preferences, races, ethnic stocks, temperaments, opinions, and so forth.  But the accidents of residency make up very little of what we are. 

I wonder if some people are just creative in their cussedness.

Pascal's Triangle

When I studied mathematics, Pascal's triangle was called a triangular array of binomial coefficients in a triangle.

However, I habitually buy The Sun when I'm at the super market, and I know better.  Was Blaise involved in a threesome?  If so, who were the other two?  

Rumor has it that their names were Francine and Clarissa.

Baja Oklahoma

Found on the Internet, Number 9

I asked you to get tickets to see 'Endgame,' not be in it!

The Second Best Little Whorehouse in Texas

Feeling Up Diversity

Have you ever noticed that college administrators tend to favor buzzwords?  If they can work 'paradigm' or 'multi-faceted' or 'globalization' into their discourse, they get a warm and cozy feeling.

One such buzz expression is 'embrace diversity.'  Now, with fears of sexually harassing someone, that's the only way in which any embracing is done by those guys.  But suppose some of them go beyond embracing diversity.  Can we describe them as 'feeling up diversity' or 'dry-humping diversity'?

A New Twist in Sharia Law

In October 2009, Somalia’s hard-line Islamist group Al-Shabaab was opposed to bras as "un-Islamic."  They forced women in public to shake their breasts at gunpoint to see if they wore bras.  Those found to be wearing a bra were publicly whipped because bras are seen as "deceptive" and to violate their interpretation of Sharia law. 


I guess they would not be too keen on breast implants, either.

Is it okay to put Band-Aids strategically?

Found on the Internet, Number 8

Sometimes baseball fans get fanatic.